Thursday, April 14, 2011
Then Anguish Gave Way to Joy
I laugh at that look on my face--it is amazing that just 2 minutes before I was screaming in pain! A week or two before Lucy Bloom graced us with her presence, a good friend sent me a message and shared John 16:21 with me, "It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world. " This kept returning to me over and over again as I waited for her to come. The last couple months of my pregnancy were really hard. I fought through a lot of emotions and mental battles. Then once I went over my due date, those 11 days felt like an eternity. My heart's desire was to have a completely natural childbirth. I started to come to terms with the fact I may have to be induced. I broke down on my midwife when she scheduled the induction. When you start interfering with the natural process with drugs to get things going chances are pain medicine is necessary. Plus, I was super bummed that Ben would have to start his brand new job just 2 days after Lucy was born. Now let me be clear--I believe the epidural is God's mercy and grace for those really hard labors, or for women that just don't even want to go there. I'm not trying to judge any woman, it is a very personal choice. I wasn't about to be in active labor for more than 24 hours! But I really believed I could do it. I wanted to experience it fully and wanted to be able to walk around after. I loved my experience with the midwives--I wouldn't do it any other way. Later that day, after witnessing my breakdown, my midwife called to check on me (what doctor does that?) and she encouraged me that the midwife who would perform the induction would do some natural things first to get my labor going, like using a breast pump and then if that didn't work she'd break my water. Well, that next morning I woke up and decided I was going to try using the breast pump I already had. Later that afternoon I pumped for about 15 minutes. It was really cool to see that my body was already producing the colostrum and it was super encouraging. I rocked in the glider in her nursery and thought about her and imagined her in my arms. I finished and as soon as I stood up, I had a huge contraction. Then, I felt like I was about to have a serious BM so I ran to the toilet and as soon as I sat down my water broke! I yelled for Ben and was so excited. The labor had begun!!
Now I fought to remain calm, for I knew we could be at home for a while. I did not want to get to the hospital too soon. I called my midwife and gave her a head's up, she told me to call her and update her as my labor progressed. She assumed since it was my first I would labor at home for a while. She told me to rest and try to sleep--yeah right!
Ben and I had gotten really gotten into it right before all this happened. I know my hormones were kickin and I had not been myself those last couple weeks. I said some horrible things to him. I think it was the enemy's last little attempt to rob us of our special moment as husband and wife turning mom and dad. It was so clear after my water broke; A fog lifted and our vision cleared. We looked at each other, and I will always remember it as the "Embrace of my Life," he hugged me like he has never hugged me before. I will never forget it all my life..Tears fill my eyes as I recount this moment. It was so powerful. I felt all his love for me gush into my being. Not to be over-the-top, but it was an over-the-top moment. We beamed with hope and joy at the very truth that we would meet our little daughter very soon!
My contractions picked up around 6pm. We didn't take any birth classes, but we read some books. The best book--The Birth Partner. It prepared both of us abundantly! I found that worship really helped me--it gets you out of your mind. I liked to switch it up too, sometimes I sat on the exercise ball, slow danced with ben, sat on the end of the bed, got in the shower. Changing things up really helped me. By 8:30 by contractions were very intense, lasting a little over a minute long and coming 2 minutes apart! We called MAM (My Amazing Midwife) and headed to the hospital. It was a typical drive there--cold, raining cats and dogs, there was a road block because of an accident. I think I hit transition in the car--it was intense! I remember yelling at Ben, "Just drive through and tell them I'm in labor!!" He just smiled and drove around it. We got to the hospital at 9:30pm and I was 8cm! Yay! Any less than that I don't know how much longer I would of lasted. God is good. Her heart rate was up and down so I had to get an IV and oxygen. Laying in that bed was miserable, but MAM helped a ton, getting me in different positions to help Lucy make her way down the birth canal. I pushed for about an hour. The pushing wasn't so bad, it was like I knew we were almost going to meet Lucy Bloom and it was a relief to push. She came at the last hour of March--11:05pm. I'm so glad she didn't come on April Fool's Day. I just imagined her going to school and no one believing it was her birthday!
That scripture is so right on, as soon as she was out an on my chest--covered in her poop and all--I felt this joy that I had never felt before. Someone told me and Ben it was a hair over their salvation experience! So true. I love that when Jesus says that, He is comforting His disciples that when they see him die on the Cross, it was hurt and they'll be in anguish. But that anguish will turn to pure joy when they see Him resurrected, and given His inheritance!! Us!! Such a beautiful thought as we approach this Easter. Psalm 127 says that children are a reward to those He loves. I love that through His anguish, Jesus was given a pure bride, and that we get to experience His resurrecting life deep inside. I feel so honored that the Lord has allowed us women to experience having life grow inside of us and then to see that life come out! What a beautiful parallel to the Gospel! Every day is a gift with Lucy. More to come:)